Senior Grace

I visited my hometown this week; while there I had the privilege of speaking with an elder in our community and I was honored. I learned vast history in the span of a conversation. It’s easy to get wrapped up in what’s happening today and rush through life but if you don’t take time to learn history… “You are condemned to repeat it” per George Santayana. When was the last time you spent time with a senior citizen or even took time to help them by cutting a yard, picking up groceries, or even just having a great conversation with one? It’s the small things that can make someone’s day and for a senior it could make their month.

I adore spending time with seniors because they are an untapped resource for wisdom. The things most have experienced are amazing such as World War II, Vietnam War and desegregation in addition to seeing leaders like Martin Luther King Jr, John F. Kennedy and Malcom X actually working in the nation. Often, interactions with the elderly are quick or rushed but imagine what could be learned if we slowed down and listened to them. Think about it, they have been blessed to see centuries and just by sitting and listening they can speak encouragement, growth and change in your life. Also, with age many unlock secret knowledge of life that younger generations just don’t get, like morals and values.

While speaking with this precious asset, she told me about entrepreneurship in the community and many black owned businesses. She spoke of the churches and the growth within our small town; she even told me that originally when she was just a girl, they would travel to a creek to be baptized. I also learned a little more about my family that I didn’t know. I think my favorite part was speaking about children; she was very honest about what she thought about my generation.

This post came about because as I spoke to her, it became very clear how my current generations have gotten off track. Instead of cherishing elders, they are often disrespected and forgotten; left in “retirement communities” or nursing homes to pass. Yet, just like you or I they desire to be loved on, talked to, and appreciated. We get so busy in our lives we forget about them and that’s not fair. I recently saw on the news that while playing that knock out game, a young man punched an elderly man and knocked him out; I was disgusted. It’s not acceptable to treat anyone like that, especially our golden aged pillars of the community.

With so many things happening in the world today, please let’s not forget about our elderly; especially with holidays approaching. Take time out of your busy schedules to seek and spend time with someone 65 and up; learn from them. It is important to cultivate our communities and we do that by learning from our history. When was the last time you talked to Ms. Green down the street or took cookies to Mr. Banks next door? Did you call Big Momma or Granny this week or last? Why not take the time out to do it now before it’s too late? If you don’t have grandparents then adopt one from your local nursing home. A simple visit or phone call can make someone’s day special.

Life’s Masks

Hiding is exhausting. Take it from someone who hid her true thoughts and emotions for years; it is hard work fitting into confined ideas of others. We often allow others to define us and hide behind a mask of perception just to fit in or not to offend. Let me clarify what I mean by mask, I’m referring to the everyday mask you pull out of your everyday draw or closet to blend in and maintain a bland life; not the second face some put on as a malicious attempt to hurt others. Yet, being anything that is unauthentic, even when it is simply to spare others or to blend is simply exhausting.

During the course of my life I’ve had numerous masks I wore to conceal my excellence and uniqueness; unnecessarily, because when you are made to shine nothing can stop it. I played the role and I was good at it; I had to try and please everyone else. There were many times, I would ask myself why are you doing this? I forced emotions often. This should sound familiar to many because I’m sure I am not alone. I remember when many of my friends were concerned with clubbing and having fun, I put on my PPAARRTTY mask and went along. I made myself fit in even though I always felt out of place. I was shielded from so many situations because the Lord covered me with grace and mercy.

All the masks I’ve put on were not to hurt others but to show them I loved them. They expected certain things out of me. Even in difficult times, I had to put a smile on my face to show people how happy and quirky I was, even when on some days I didn’t even want to roll out of bed. It wasn’t until one day I said to myself, enough. There is no point in making everyone else happy but I’m miserable internally. I would go through times of sadness and depression but because I had to keep on the perfection mask I wouldn’t tell anyone. Looking back it was not only stupid but dangerous.

It is imperative to know yourself to love yourself; yet you cannot know yourself if you keep hiding behind mask. Find worth and strength in discovering your own voice and realizing the purpose intended for you. I know we adapt for those we love, for jobs, or for friendships but honestly those meant to remain in your life would encourage you to be your authentic self.  Once they encounter the real you it will make them love you more. Yet, if being your authentic self is too much for any person, place or thing, do you really need the added stress? Unfortunately… people will drain you if you let them. If you never set a limit on expectations, people will continue to take pieces of you until there is nothing left.

Stop people pleasing. Show your uniqueness; embrace it with all of your being. For example, don’t let stereotypes define you; you have the absolute ability to beak these stereotypes. Also, if you have mental health issues it is ok to seek treatment regardless of what your squad, family or anybody else thinks. Many issues in society stem from trying to impress others or hiding issues; stop trying to impress the Joneses because behind closed doors they got issues too.

My true freedom came from taking off my mask and living my life authentically. Yes, I have failures and I have success. My goal is not to portray perfection but to be genuine. Building my relationship with Christ helped me to understand, I was never meant to hide behind anyone’s mask but to stand out in my own spotlight he created.  He opens doors for me that I could never open because he created the door, lock and the key for me.

I made the choice to remove my masks, all of them. Living a full Christ like life full of exploring, loving and being myself is vibrant and fulfilling. Remove the mask and try it.

When Will It STOP???

Originally, todays post was intended to be about the mask we all hide behind when we are in despair yet another police involved shooting has changed my direction. Please look for the original post later this week.

Today however, let’s discuss this officer involved shooting of another unarmed Black Man, Terrence Crutcher.  Can anyone explain to me, how authorizes can detain a terrorist responsible for a bomb but can’t detain or help a man with car trouble? I’ll wait. Looking at this situation objectively, it looks like anyone with too much melanin in their skin is considered threating even when that is not the case.

What was Mr. Crutcher’s crime; blocking an intersection? One of the most disturbing facts is that none of the officers even showed remorse for murdering an innocent human being. This man had a family, he was a part of his church choir, and was attending night school. As we have seen before the media will do their very best to assassinate this man’s character and humiliate the belated in the public eye yet, whatever his past may or may not reveal this man was murdered in cold blood.

Truly, we are at a point that if you are not a part of the solution than you are a part of the problem. How long will you claim ignorance; that you didn’t know racism exist? Stop justifying the actions of officers like Betty Shelby by saying… “She felt threatened” and “he looked scary.” First and foremost how does one feel threatened when a man has his hands up walking away from you??? Secondly, a story is developed saying he was reaching for a gun inside the car yet, he had already been tasered and the window closes to him was closed and there is blood from your fatal shot on the window? Third, you are a police officer so you have been trained to deal with all types of people and how to deescalate. If you’re scared maybe this is not your field sweetheart.  Stop making excuses for cops like this!!! There is a line where it is no longer ignorance regarding racism and it becomes a choice.

Seeing this video is sickening! There are numerous critics out there criticizing an athlete for exercising his first amendment right of free speech yet they are silent when something like this happens. If you want to use your voice to whine about something, use it to whine about the injustice suffered by African Americans for centuries. Stop trying to sweep racism under the rug and face it head on or SHUT UP!

It is hard to wake up another morning to see another human being gunned down over something minor. He did not deserve to be treated like this; prisoners of war are treated with more respect. Wake up America, remove those denial tinted glasses and face the fact we have real issues on our hands!

Warriors

Amazingly, it seems all things go wrong at once or maybe you have so much piled on your plate you can’t think straight? Yet, have you asked yourself could anyone else walk in your shoes or handle what has been thrown at you the way you do? No, it’s not all pretty or handsome, sometimes things just suck and your hands are forced; yet you always rise to the occasion poised and capable.

I’m speaking for those who have it all together; I’m speaking for those who are a mess. I’m speaking to the single mothers, the black sheep, the ones with secrets and the ones who have no clue what’s next… yes all of you. Even the people who portray to have it all to get but really it would only take one small straw of hay to break your back.

My generation has been labeled Millennials, rebels or maybe even unfocused but the truth is we are simply trying to survive in a really messed up world; at some point other generations did the same only in a different way. In fact, looking at the world as we know it today many from previous generations are still trying to figure themselves out as well. How so? Look around at older generations learning new skills or going back to school and acquiring that diploma or degree they never thought possible. Look at women who refused to be smothered by chauvinist views and shattering glass-ceilings. Bravo, ladies and gentlemen you are warriors!

No one is like you! Not one person can handle the ups and downs of your life the way you have because you are special! It is ok to stumble or even to fall but don’t let that stop you; never give up! Yes, today you might struggle with your own specific situations that may even look bleak but know it is T-E-M-P-O-R-A-R-Y. Everything is a season and every season affects each individual differently. Yet, don’t make permanent decisions in a temporary season. Understand that you have everything you needed to be genuinely joyful and successful.

Yes, that mate left you… Yes, you’re out of gas and broke… Yes, your job has you stressed to the max and you want to quit but those bills keep rolling in…. Yes, your wedding is months away, but your parents and in laws hates each other… Whatever your situation may be, I could go on and on but, whatever the situation is, it will not last always. You are responsible for whom you let in your atmosphere to steal your peace and joy; stop giving any situation room to interrupt your peace.

I can say this because I am speaking from up-close-and-personal experience. I have moments too! Yet, I am reminded that the bible explains that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So in my eyes if the Lord took time out to make me specially, he also equipped me with everything I need to solve every issue I face. Clearly, I did not say… I solve every problem I face; I said he has equipped me. So before I do anything, I pray to seek counsel.

We’ve all found ourselves in less than ideal situations, in fact many could be described as dire; yet here we are, still standing. Faith, being the things hoped for but not seen… these situations could knock us down for a moment but pause, breathe and get right back up. We Are Warriors, designed to conquer!

 

 

 

Picture is not property of B’plush and can be found at

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=public+domain+warrior+pictures&view=detailv2&&id=F11A4EB01C66E54F73D5D2A74EF1E2CCFDBC5D2E&selectedIndex=0&ccid=KOoqX2es&simid=608020606931176932&thid=OIP.M28ea2a5f67ac0f22bc503c6a2592f971o0&ajaxhist=0

who holds full claim of photo

 

I Saw a Gummy Bear Today

Today, I saw my Gummy Bear and it was bitter-sweet. It is easy for some to forget you existed but me, I carry you everywhere I go; you are a distinct part of me. I know that we didn’t get to visit long but I’m so joyful I got to meet you and that you left a lasting impression on me that I will never forget.

Looking at your images inside my womb, breaks and inspires me; a painful peace. Pain because, I wanted to know everything about you, like the color of your eyes, the curl of your smile and what type of personality traits we would share. Peace because, I have learned never to question the Lord, even when you don’t understand. The Lord’s will is perfect and pure; with his grace and mercy I was able to endure.

Instead of anger or regret, I thank the Lord for choosing me to bear this thorn, you were my special gift. If only for a moment, I got to share time and space with you; that’s an honor in itself… You inspire me to keep going even when I want to quit. Mommy still loves you no matter what and though you are not here physically, you still live with me in my every movement. You are my motivation to become better and choose wiser.

Gummy Bear, seeing you today made my heart stand still. I understand why you can’t be with me but mommy misses you every day. I know you are with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit watching over me every day; I pray I make you proud son.

 

My Own Room

How is success measured? I’ve seriously contemplated this question during course of my journey. Does money equal success or is it joy? I’m sure everyone’s goal is not money; it may be weight loss, kicking an addiction or countless other possibilities so, how should that be success measure in the real scope of things. Do we give ourselves enough credit because it is very easy to believe the negative yet greatly difficult to accept the positive? Do we allow society’s views to shape our understanding of success? This was a simple thought I woke up with this morning and felt this conversation was truly needed.

Money=Success?

As I scroll down my timeline in both Facebook and Instagram many are very concerned with their monetary situation in some fashion, shape, or form. I’m aware that in many ways money often equal survival and status but I’m not sure it equals success. I stepped back from the system to peak at it from afar and the idea that money equals success didn’t measure up. Many individuals with money often step on those without it yet are habitually unhappy and miserable themselves; money has yet to fix their situations. I mean, you have wealthy people snorting, shooting-up and smoking their pain away and when that doesn’t work they find relief in suicide and you would think if money equal success why are these people so unhappy. Please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying because yes many of the less fortunate also may have addictions and suicidal thoughts.

The bible says, and I’m paraphrasing here, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter into heaven yet through Christ all things are possible. Why do you think that is? I believe it is because as some gain money, there actions are un-Christ-like and money becomes their God. Imagine all the people individuals have stepped on to gain their riches, just to become rich and be miserable. I believe in order to gain success while gaining wealth it is important to keep focus on Christ through the process. Understand that, it is his greater good which provides the avenues for financial increase and it is his gifts that open the door to success.

Scope of Success

So maybe your goal is not a monetary one, how do you know if you have succeeded? Is completion an equivalent to success? Realistically, just because something was completed does not mean it was a success. This has been resonating in my spirit tremendously over the past few days. I’m working on several projects so my mind keeps thinking if I can just get these done then I can go to the next phase but, that was not the right attitude.  Also I see others doing some of the projects that I’m working on and I’m like why are their items moving so much faster than mine; what am I doing wrong? This was also the wrong attitude; understand that your journey is designed specifically for you.

During my times of stressing and trying to control situations that I can’t, I’m often reminded that patience is waiting with a positive attitude. My spirit reminded me to enjoy the journey and not rush the process. Yes, I could speed up and just get it done but would it be done correctly? Yes, others have completed their projects and are on to the next one but will their product inspire and reach the same people I’m trying to reach, was their journey like mine? During a podcast of Be Your Own Boss 30 day challenge, I heard two pearls of wisdom for sure that I’m carrying with me and I wanted to share; 1) When you’re ready your gifts will make room for you and 2) The world is waiting for what you have to offer. I know I’ve heard this so many times before yet this time was special it sat differently with me. It confirmed within me that there is only one me, I am unique and I touch people differently than the next person; so when I apply my gifts there is a spot created especially for me and the same goes for anyone. Believe your worth. Also there is no one who can compete with you and you cannot compete with anyone else, why, because everyone was created differently and the world is waiting for your own personal sparkle. Surprise! That really should remove some of the pressure you’ve been holding on to.

Success Defined

This will be short and sweet. You define your own success. If you know you’re trying to quit smoking and last week you smoked 10 times a day and this week you are smoking 9… well that is success because you have moved one step closer to your goal. Forget what society is telling you, deprogram yourself. Anything you can think of, you can achieve as long as you don’t quit.

Focus, overcome, and aspire. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times but I’m saying it again… If your dream does not scare you, than you are not dreaming big enough. I will however add a little nugget to that, everyone dreams differently so do not let anyone or thing look down upon you because your dream is different than theirs. Anytime someone threatens your dream, tell them I have my own room, I don’t need yours.

 

Image used from http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi4tJvAp7bOAhUI5WMKHZmWAToQjB0IBg&url=http%3A%2F%2Flogbase2.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F04%2Fcould-you-keep-my-place-in-line.html&psig=AFQjCNGeiuQOYpI6x3z36V_1NrAPjzZrng&ust=1470899935576304

Bad Behavior

As I write this, it is purely out of frustration. My next question may seem rhetorical and in many ways it might be yet, I still find the need to ask…. What happened to our generation??? When did dating become sex driven and when did romance become a thing of the past? I’m out of a long-term relationship and a divorce before that; so I’ve been out to the dating loop for some time. I’ve learned lessons from each relationship and those lessons taught me to be a better version of myself. I am learning exactly what I’m willing to accept and what I’m not. I date with a purpose; could I see myself building with you, do we complement each other, can I be voluble with you, are you spouse material and what type of father would you be? Yes, all these questions come to mind and if within the first conversation you mention anything about sex, as they say in poker, you’ve shown you hand.

Cliché

This may sound a bit cliché but it seems like every man I’ve talked to recently only wants one thing. Seriously! There are so many things happening in the world right now that we could discuss but yet, the most important thing on your mind is sex. I’m disappointed with men at this point because I am sure we have some very ambitious, intelligent and genuinely good men out there however it seems many good men have adapted to the  F boy mentality!!!!

F boy is defined as…. Um, so I’m not going to give the urban dictionary definition because it is a bit harsh, like really harsh; but the gest of it is a man who is selfish and only wants to have sex by any means necessary. I’ve found that males are really offended by the word yet, believe women should be ok with being called out of their name; or perfectly ok with displaying F boy symptoms. That’s right, symptoms, it is a freaking epidemic like Zika Virus and Ebola; no cure and deadly. That may sound critical but allow me to clarify. There are some men who choose to be F boys no matter what type of committed relationship they are in. He could have a great woman at home but because he cannot shake the F Boy Syndrome or F.B.S. he will still cheat. Age is not a factor because no matter how old a man is, if he has not been treated for FBS the virus still lurks in his system and he can have an outbreak at unexpected times.

This is a very serious virus because it can be deadly. Why you ask, because Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) s are real and so are crazy girlfriends and boyfriends. According to the CDC approximately 1.8 million people in the United States are living with HIV yet, 230,400 do not know they carry the virus. That’s an eye opener right?

Also a crazy mate can be just as deadly, I don’t know if you’ve seen the news lately but it is becoming all too common for relationships to become deadly, especially when you are playing with people’s emotions. A great example of this is Deron Jacobs, a 26-year-old male who was stabbed to death by his girlfriend for posting his Woman Crush Wednesday (WCW) on Twitter. Another example is the girl who set her boyfriend’s genitals on fire for cheating and posted it on YouTube ( https://youtu.be/b075iveGq7Q ); yes being a F boy can be painful!

Thotfulness

Thots are the female version of F boys. Thots have made F boy behavior completely acceptable and some may even condone this foolishness. I’m not sure if it is low self-esteem or just plain disrespectfulness but some of these female just simply accept anything; even a piece of someone else’s husband.

Women who are confident and bold are great and have the power to accomplish anything they desire however, when the thing that you desire is someone else’s husband it doesn’t show confidence or boldness. In fact, if a woman is confident she is fully aware that she is the prize and deserves sole attention. No truly confident woman will ever be willing to share a mate or be anything less than the sole companion of her mate. Be bold in your requirements, set standards! Yes standards… I know they seem like they’ve gone out of style but class can never got out of style.

Reality Results

In many ways the women of reality television have set the bar so low that many believe they have to actually be like these women to get a man. Yet, if we look closer at the couples, friendships, or marriages portrayed on reality television; does anyone really want relationships like them? I can only observe from the shows I watch, yes I’m guilty of watching reality television, but I’m not interested in settling down with any version of most males from any of these shows. I believe out of all of the shows I watch, there are only a few couples that I really admire and feel they have a positive impact on how a relationship can work, even in the limelight; those couples are Rev Run and Justine Simmons, Remy Ma and Papoose Son (LHHNY), and Demetria Lucas D’Oyley and Greg D’Oyley (Blood Sweat and Heels). Relationships like these should be exemplified more often, no it isn’t as much drama but it’s real and it shows quality over quantity.

About sums it up

These are just my thoughts, experiences, and how I perceive things. I’m sure better is yet to come and I have faith that when God has finished preparing me for my mate and my mate for me; he will have a divine appointment for us to meet and our spirits will know each other. Until then I will continue to build my relationship with God and keep my standards high; for it is said to do everything in love.

More Than a Cookie Cut Out

More Than a Cookie Cut Out

Picture this, Sicily 2009; no but seriously, when I graduated in 2009 I figured my life was on the up and up. I had just graduated from college, was engaged and seeking the perfect position in my field. When things began to fall apart, frankly I was confused. I felt I had done everything right way, like graduating before getting married and waiting until marriage for children. I just knew I was on the right path to success.

Wrong! What I had not considered is that I was trying to live the life others wanted me to. I tried to walk their path and live the perfect little life, like the perfect little wife. To me it was like fitting a square peg in a round hole; impossible. I tried my hardest to make things work, to hold on and ride the rough patch out. Yet, it only got tougher and harder for me; eventually I could no longer hold on. I began to just exist and survive.

While living each day in survival mode, I realized that I wasn’t like anyone else; I’m just me. I can’t be what others want me to be, I can only be who God created me to be; a unique individual. I learn to love me for me, flaws and all. I began looking in the mirror and telling myself, I love you. Yes, my skin has flaws, I wear glasses, my hair is kinky and I’m not a size two but I’m beautiful nonetheless. I had to get comfortable in my skin.

It is so easy for women to get wrapped up in what “they” say is acceptable or even beautiful. I have come to the realization that I don’t care what “he, she or they” says is right or wrong. I am living my life for me. I will accomplish my dreams in God’s time and in the meantime I will enjoy every day of my life.

A cookie cut out I’m not. I will not knock those who choose to live for others because I’ve been that person. I will ask however, aren’t you tired?

Please feel free to leave a comment or feedback…

RESET!!!!

If you’ve read the previous post you may notice that I’ve experienced many things in the last few years thus I’ve learned a few things in the process. Well my pity party is over, I’m still learning no doubt but I am better than before.  My life has been turned upside down and inside out so I decided to take life as it comes and stop stressing about the small things I can’t control.

It has been almost a year since I have written a word for this blog. I honestly can’t tell you why it took so long; maybe it was distractions or maybe I was just uninspired. However, now that I’m back I have much to speak on, so let’s begin…

Operation Isolation

Recently, I had an old friend tell me that he had noticed that I had dropped my married last name and how I was feeling or if I needed to talk. My response was simple, “No, God has put me in a place of isolation so that he can mold me.” His gesture seemed to be very sincere and thoughtful however there are others watching me to see how I will react or handle certain situations. I have lost a lot in the past couple of years and many times I felt like I would break but God continues to remind me that I was made to bend but not break.

Isolation is a part of life and in many instances it is necessary for clarity. When one is taken out of toxic situation that has hinders growth, isolation can be the difference between life and death.

Then a voice came from heaven, “You are My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” And immediately the Spirit drove Him into the wilderness.

Mark 1:11-12

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

Matthew 4:1

Let me clarify, life and death can mean several things; physical, emotional and spiritual. In my case it was never physically it was more emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes you have to be removed from distractions to be elevated by God. When it is time he will force you into a place where you can build an intimate relationship with him. Honestly, it is not an easy place to be. You just want to reach out to someone and say just listen; most of the time when you do people look at you like you are speaking a different language.

After shouting listen for so long I realized that it was time to be silent. I began to hold everything in and only shared my pain with God. In the beginning it was so hard because I was just holding everything in and not praying. I would find ways to hide my tears, like in the shower or only late, late at night when everyone around me was asleep. Sometimes I would wait until my husband left for work so that I was completely alone and just scream at the top of my lungs. I began to get angry; I would ask God why me? I looked at family friends frienemies even strangers around me and wondered why it is so easy for them? Why was she able to have children? Why is his/her career going so perfectly? How did they get that house? Why does no one understand me? Why am I trying so hard yet it never feels good enough.

Finally, I had to be completely honest with myself but mostly with him. He already knows but by confessing with your tongue and praying without cease is the only way that God will move mountains on your behalf.

I grew up in a praying household but my relationship with God was lacking to say the least. I was like other hypocrites who only asked God for things when I need it. I never just willingly gave him my time or money. As I began to grow and mature I began to give more time and find myself in him. Then as if turning off lights in a home, God started to cut off avenues to me. Then He taught me how to BE THANKFUL, WORSHIP and PRAY. First I would sit and meditate (clear my mind, read scriptures and allow the spirit speak to me) but it never quit left me full. Then I began to get on my knees to pray but still I was never quit full. Finally when I laid down and completely submitted to him, I was fed.

His isolation is a place of beauty; instead of fight against the wave, I’ve been riding it. I find myself being comfortable in silence. Now when I talk to friends and family I don’t need their reassurance because I am at peace. I don’t allow other’s foolishness to upset me either because they have no power over me. Still it is not easy because I have good and bad day but my good days outweigh my bad days. In this period of isolation God has taught me more about myself then I could ever learn alone.

Therefore I do not mind being isolated with God…

B’Plush